As some of you may know, I work as a volunteer in a Domestic Violence Program as a Crisis Line Advocate. Every Thursday morning, I get out of bed early and drive to the secure location to listen to women in crisis, who are the victims and survivors of domestic violence (DV) on the Eastside. Today is Veteran’s Day and it brings back the memories of the women on Ft. Lewis, Washington and Fort McCoy, Wisconsin I have worked with. In the 1980’s there were very few shelters and even less funds available. Yet, the women I worked for, and with, in these shelters showed me what “courage and strength” really are. Sadly, they will never get the medals they deserve…especially the Purple Heart. What is even worse is the fact that some of them are no longer with us and never will be again.
In the 1980’s when shelters were just beginning to get the support they needed, I wrote letters to local, state and federal representatives and worked the crisis lines for a Domestic Violence Shelter and the Suicide Crisis Line (they were located together then) in the state of Wisconsin. Because I was a military family member, I worked for the rights of abused survivors of DV, because many of them were military family members too. While the military had programs to handle the problem of abusive soldiers, commanding officers did not take these cases seriously and often did not apply the sanctions the military required. I had the experience of seeing this happen on Fort Lewis, now Joint Base Lewis and McCord, when I worked on the fort and was a volunteer at the YWCA shelter in Tacoma, in the 80s as well.
I would like to share a poem I ran across in a blog today. It speaks volumes about what I see and hear every Thursday. Unfortunately, I did not know when I took it off the blog it was copyrighted by the author in 1991. The poem is as follows (any additions, deletions, mistakes or paraphrases are mine) :
I Got Flowers Today
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument [fight] last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he’s sorry and didn’t mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning bruised and sore all over. I know he must be sorry because, he sent me flowers today and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any special day.
Last night he beat me up again, and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I am afraid of him and scared to leave [he gets really angry when I think about it]. But I know he must be sorry, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today…
Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered the courage and strength to leave him. I would not have gotten flowers today [I know he’s not sorry, because I got flowers today].
By Allen W. Dowdell, Copyright 1991
The following facts were taken from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence web site. Most cases of DV go unreported. In the US, less than one fifth of DV victims/survivors reported injuries suffered at the hands of their intimate partners and/or sought medical treatment. Annually, there are circa 16,800 DV homicides; and 2.2 million DV victim/survivors sought medical treatment at a cost of 37 billion dollars. Forty to forty-five percent of sexual assault occurs in DV relationships. Most cases of DV are never reported. Children witnessing DV are more likely to” transmit violent behavior to the next generation.”
The city of Seattle has proposed a circa 1 million dollar cut in funds to DV shelters and Rape Victim Programs. Our shelter and program will lose circa 160,000 thousand dollars. In Seattle of the 1-6 thousand homeless people in the city, 80% are victims/survivors of DV and their children.
The following video was taken from YouTube. There is some controversy as to whether Allen W. Dowdell was the Author of this poem. I have included the above video as a link.
JOYSTECHTOOL 