This week was a week of frustrating, time-consuming meetings and training. Simply stated, there are not enough hours in a day to get everything done. So, I am hoping to approach Congress and ask that our days in a month be extended to 36. I want a few more hours in these days, too. Oh that’s right; I keep forgetting, Congress doesn’t seem to get much done either!
The week began with the third class of the quarter at 5:30 PM on Monday and seemed to get busier with each passing hour during the week. I suppose that every instructor and student has weeks and days like this in the beginning of the quarter. For example, the CJ class instructor was supposed to have a quiz ready on Chapter One, Wednesday. Unfortunately, he went to copy the test twice during our class hours and both times had problems. The class never did take that test. He took the situation rather calmly, in comparison to me. I was supposed to give a presentation with my group while he was making copies. I found my mouth was dry and my knees were shaking when I opened my mouth to give my part of the presentation! I can sing and play in front of a few hundred people, but froze in front of 33 students! What is happening to me?
I met with my mentor on Thursday and we were both mentally frazzled by that late date in the week. At this point, I was driven to contemplate grabbing a student’s teddy bear (her boy friend had just asked her to attend an important social event and gave her the stuffed bear to soften her up a bit), crawl under a table in the library and assume the fetal position. With this state of mind, I told her my plans for the next two weeks: searching for the “big idea” and writing objectives. At the end of this meeting, Robin looked up at me and said,”…my brain has just stopped working.” Next week just has to be better.
When I met with Charlene on Wednesday, before going to Bb Vista training and the CJ class. She handed me a list of objectives (learning outcomes) that had been previously written by Bellevue College. The 50 objectives were requirements that were supposed to be met in the Intro to CJ course. My job is to create a “big Idea” and condense the objectives down into 5 or 6. I looked at those 50 learning outcomes and wondered if I could say with confidence that they could be accomplished in 12 weeks or one-quarter, much less 12 years! Since objective writing is not my strongest skill, I cannot explain how 50 objectives reduced me to tears! I laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes when I contemplated the magnitude of the task.
Between my meeting with Charlene and the class on Wednesday, I took my first class on how to use the shell of Bb Vista and upload files into the system. I walked out of the hour class realizing I didn’t understand most of what had been taught to me. Referring back to my notes, I thought I was reading a foreign language! I was so frustrated and wondered how I would ever place content in the system once I managed to get the design worked out. There was no “hands on” training during the class, which I really needed. Luckily my mentor Robin suggested we sit down during our next meeting with a laptop and go through some of the basics of using Bb Vista.
I am still shaking my head at the idea that I am as tech savvy, as some instructors think I am. When I look through the back door end of Bb Vista, I feel totally inadequate. Added to this feeling is the realization that my university education, after nine years of taking courses in the area of law and criminology, still didn’t completely prepare me to take on the challenge of teaching in a community college, online. In fact, I have been out long enough to see the distance between where my studies ended and how some things have changed.
The basics are there in the storage area of my brain; but when I look at the skill level of the people teaching in that department, I wonder if I will ever be considered for a position. My fears of inadequacy tend to dissipate when I think about how much I have learned and how much I have updated my skills through the years. I can only hope employers will look at my academic history and desire to teach through the lenses of what was accomplished during the years I worked to develop myself in the work force.
Looking in on my alma mater…the University of Minnesota for some ideas on how to relax, I ran across this video. I love being a life long learner! Go Gophers! What a great way to burn off frustration and tension!
JOYSTECHTOOL 