I met with my mentor Robin on Thursday night. It had been a tumultuous week. I went to bed, slept two hours and got up and started working on Bb Vista. I watched several tutorials. Then, I crawled back into my warm bed where my husband was softly snoring in his sleep. My body was tired, very tired but I could not sleep. I heard a knock on my door around 3:00 AM. Two detectives showed me their ID and told me they were arresting me, as they slipped the handcuffs on my wrists. I felt a cold rush of adrenaline course through my body. They started reading me my Miranda rights and my heart stopped beating! My legs gave way and I was half carried to the squad car. I was trembling with shame, fear and cold.
I was taken down to the precinct in my pajamas (which consisted of a long shirt). I had no shoes and my feet were cold. They put me in a room and began questioning me. I had no idea what I was being arrested for. After several hours of intense questioning, they told me that I had violated state law and was going to be charged with a felony. I knew I had not done anything wrong. I realized how much trouble I was in and how unfair the whole situation was. But, I couldn’t do much, I had no power. I had no one to defend me or help me defend myself against this injustice. They kept hammering away at me until even I began to believe I had committed this terrible unforgivable crime…I wanted the skills to get a job teaching in a college. And this horrible act had lead me to incarceration. The next step was prison.
I was patted down and strip searched (now there is an experience). Next I was fingerprinted and a sample of my blood was taken (“when did the police start doing this?,” I thought to myself as the needle pierced my skin.). Finally totally stripped of my right to my humanity, I was placed in a cold noisy jail cell. I was so humiliated I couldn’t look up, nor could I stop crying. My husband wasn’t awake when they took me and had no idea where I was. I wanted to die. I just wanted to stop breathing. About an hour later, they took me from the holding cell and placed me in a small dark lonely cell. I was placed on suicide watch. The correction officer stared at me with cold accusing eyes. She had no warmth, no humanity left and that showed in her cold dark eyes. She looked at me like I was a sleaze bag, a con and inmate and nothing else.
Minutes later, I was told I could make one phone call. I was given a cell phone (“…when did they start giving people cell phones in jail,?” I mumbled to myself) and dialed my husband’s cell. He had already left for work. He turns his phone off during work hours. I didn’t know anyone else who would help me. That was it for the night. I sat on the bed with my head hanging and wishing I was. My spirit was crushed and my heart was broken. I had been humiliated beyond my ability to cope. Inside I fought two opposing emotions: anger and despair. I was angry at the unfairness of it all. I was depressed because there seemed to be no way out. I had been set up to fail…
The next morning I was brought before a judge in an initial appearance. I was told I was being charged for impersonating a state faculty member at Bellevue College, which is a felony. The second charge was for the unlawful use of state property: Blackboard Vista. I was lead back to my cell and I heard the key click in the lock. I could no longer see out of my eyes. They were too puffy from crying all night and from lack of sleep. I was cold, so very cold. I had no money to contact a lawyer or even my husband. Even worse, I had to relieve myself. I would not do that while that officer was looking at me or even if she wasn’t. I was miserable.
I was asked to accept a plea bargain the following day. Knowing I was innocent, I asked for a fair trial and hearing of my case. I could not get a court appointed attorney. I did not have enough money. I would have to either represent myself or accept the plea bargain. I felt I could do neither. My husband had not called or come to see me. I knew he did not know where I was. No one from Bellevue College came to my aid. I had been abandoned. I had violated the rules and asked to be an intern there. I had used the Bb Vista system, I was a criminal. I begged God to just let me die. I was too old for this kind of treatment. I now had a police record and my fingerprints were forever on record. I had shamed my husband and my children, and my grandchildren.
That night, I was taken off suicide watch. I was placed in a cell with several other women. I saw the cold stare in their eyes as they recognized me. I never saw the shank. I felt it pierce my heart and the numbing pain shoot through my limbs like electric shocks. The next wound was to my neck, I felt my body slide to the floor and the ringing in my ears was so loud, I thought I was whirling around in a tornado, while a freight train was running over me.. Suddenly the room was fading away and my last thought was…I never got to say goodbye to my husband and tell him how much I loved him.
Suddenly, I heard a new sound, an irritating beeping sound….my alarm was going off.
How many offenders committed suicide or are the victim of a homicide when jailed? Another myth was replaced by a fact. People still commit suicide and are murdered in local jails.
Retrieved the above image from Microsoft Online.
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