It is that time of year again, Valentine’s Day. It is a day to celebrate the beauty of love. Maybe growing old together is a bit of a myth, in a violent society and the union of marriage. Much is being said for and against the marriage of two people of the same gender. There is equally as much being said about violence in marriages. Here in the Pacific Northwest we are hearing, everywhere, about the killing of two lovely boys by their father, with the strong possibility that Josh Powell killed their mother as well. So if marriage is the spiritual binding of two human beings in a union of love, one has to wonder how spiritual that marriage is between two people, male and female, when circa every 15 seconds a woman is battered in this country.
The statistics seem to show us that the family unit of one man and one woman is the most violent union in the United States. If two people can find love and enter a legal contract to cherish and care for each other, why are we trying to stop the behavior? We don’t seem as dedicated to stopping the abuse of women by men or the abuse of children. If Christian people are so concerned about marriage and its’ Christian institution of marriage, why are they allowing women and children to not only be abused but to be homeless if they leave a battering spouse? Seldom are shelters able to meet the needs of these women when it comes to housing. What I see are a lot of contradictions and self-righteousness, regarding these issues.
My maternal grandfather was married four times. From what I have heard from his children, he was from “the old school” (turn of the century thinking in Austria and Germany) and probably some form of abuse may have happened in his nuclear family. He had several children from his wives and he was remembered as a man with a temper. During the time he lived women did not divorce their spouses and if they did there was a stigma attached to her. Neverthelss, my family accepts divorce as a solution to an impossible situation, whether the church is against it or not. Why? Because being battered is not love and scars children when they are caught in this web of violence. There is a higher value to uphold than the Christian condemnation of divorce (e.g. the Catholic Church). Love is not about hurting and beating and killing. This is not a marriage, a spiritual union or a family. What it seems to be to me is the antithesis of marriage, spiritual union and family! Incidentally, Grandpa was Catholic and never divorced, although his children did or a least a few of them. My point is this, if you are being abused and your children are being harmed, you must make the decision no matter how painful to leave and to divorce the abuser. Intervention seldom works.
Most women seem to have a difficult time making that decision. Many of them will be homeless and live in poverty if they leave, often for quite a while. They may even be killed in the early phases of this move; because when the spouse or intimate other realizes their mate is leaving, they are mostly likely to try to stop them even it it means killing them. Their children will be exposed to the harsh realities of bitter divorces. Even worse they may see their mother being murdered. The Powell boys were beginning to open up and talk about the things that were buried or suppressed in their minds, possibly due to the threats Josh Powell may have made. By uncovering these memories, Josh may have felt trapped, and like many before him, when his mask of normality was torn off to save face, he killed everyone involved including himself. Incidentally, the social worker must not have had an emotional connection to Josh or she may have been murdered too.
My last thoughts on this Valentines Day and what it signifies is this, no one has a perfect relationship or marriage. When the people involved are healthy and respect each other, their love is not expressed through acts of violence. It would seem to me that same-sex marriage is a way to find happiness in a union that has been vilified by Christians. Maybe Christians need to put as much effort into supporting shelters and finding housing for unions that are not spiritual and healthy, before they can judge the behavior of others in these unions. This is not to say that gay marriages do not end in physical violence.
Author Joanna Bunker Rohrbaugh has written in her article,” Domestic Violence in Same-Gender Relationships,”
It is important to note that the overwhelming majority of gay and lesbian families function well, in a manner similar to that of healthy heterosexual families (Kurdek, 1994; Rohrbaugh, 1992).
She concludes by saying “domestic violence is an abuse of power that can happen in any intimate relationship regardless of gender or sexual orientation (pg, 297). The Christian community may want to look into the reasons any couple uses violence in their intimate relationships and vilify this behavior and not the make-up of the union. That being said, I do find it uncomfortable to watch television sitcoms, (e.g., Modern Family) that feature gay couples with children; but, in the end I realize that we have been given the right to decide who we will form a relationship with. Society has disapproved of divorce, certain sexual acts, skin color and the list goes on. New thinking will always make us a bit nervous and uncomfortable. It comes with the territory. In the end the question to be asked is, why all the violence? Also, what is the connection between bullies and violent acts?
Anyway, moving from Valentine’s Day, and the issues, I am working on the last re-writes of the criminal justice modules. Charlene cleans up their content by proof reading them. Robin cleans up the grammar and spelling Microsoft doesn’t clean up. Robin is an english instructor or has done this in the past. Everything is progressing nicely. I should be close to finishing the modules and placing them in BbVista, when the Irish holiday, St. Patrick’s Day comes along.
Speaking of St. Patrick’s Day, I think that saint did not drive out the snakes from Ireland after watching the video on this blog. When I was a child, I was hoping I could capture that intriguing little man (we all learn about in school when we’re young) and covet the pot of gold! Alas, even this fairy tale has changed a bit as the last video shows, due in part to violence. The snakes are still there and the leprechaun’s operate quite differently. The rainbow is gone and the pot of gold seems to come from the reselling of weapons by underworld crime figures in Dublin. I am very happy not to be living in the Emerald Isle. So far not too many of our criminals want to strap bombs to themselves…now on the other hand…I have yet to read about an Irish father chopping up his boys with an axe and blowing himself up with them, by pouring gasoline in the house and igniting it, while they’re in it.
The last video is a sobering video about catching the leprechaun or killing him and capturing the pot of gold, as it truly is today, in Dublin, Ireland. I have included this video because it reveals a bit about the history and nature of violence. After years of political violence and behavior, there appears to be new twists and turn in the uses of violence. Maybe history is the starting point, we as a society, need to ponder when trying to understand violence between individuals.
JOYSTECHTOOL 